The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
