Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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