Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
