i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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