Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
