enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
