She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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