Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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