i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize