I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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