I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
