are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
