Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
