girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
