I have demons in me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
