Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
