he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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