A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
