Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
