3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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