Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
