so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
