He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
