it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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