I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
