i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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