dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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