I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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