Dual....:-)
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
