Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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