Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
