it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You smell like stripper and shame
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
