Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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