i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize