sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
