OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
