Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
