I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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