I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
