Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
God, I missed his penis.
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