Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize