Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
