Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
