Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
