This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
