I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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