i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My ATM looks so different sober.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
