the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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