ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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