There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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