I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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