i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
