how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
