help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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