She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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