I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
