So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
