shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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