I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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