THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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