He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
