Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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