Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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